Swine flu. Run for my life!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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