Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
