I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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