So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
