Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Found your dick twin last night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
