I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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