After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
