my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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