I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
