i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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