Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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