forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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