i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
