Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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