So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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