my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
