i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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