Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
