I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
