im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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