You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize