Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
