Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
