I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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