So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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