I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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