I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
