were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
