Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
