worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
