i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
