Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
