Ambien. No doubt about it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
