I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
