I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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