Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
