Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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