I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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