i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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