Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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