Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We have so much sex to catch up on
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
