a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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