Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
