i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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