Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
