Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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