I cannot find my penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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