Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
