i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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