I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
